Merry Christmas

It has been another great Christmas with my family.  This is the first Christmas that we haven't spent with my family or Jason's.  I didn't feel sad at all because I enjoy being with Jason and the boys so I was looking forward to a quiet holiday with just us. The last few days have been busy and am now enjoying some quiet time with a cup of tea from Teopia that Tristan gave me for Christmas as Jason and the  two older boys watch National Lampoon's Vacation that Quintin gave Jason for Christmas.  Two days ago we went to West Edmonton Mall and got the boys picture taken with Santa.  Quintin wasn't too excited about it but I really hate not to have them all in the picture since I have taken a picture with Santa every year.  I am hoping I will be able to force 4 more years of pictures out of him.  Christmas Eve was spent wrapping presents, going downtown, baking with the boys, eating nachos and having the boys wait all day to unwrap a present. 

This morning we were woken up at 6:30 which is actually later than we usually have to wake up but yet it felt earlier.  Santa was good to everyone but we were all getting tired of watching Hayden unwrap presents and Hayden informed us he was the best this year because he got the most presents.  We usually go to church on Christmas Eve but decided today would work better and it was great.  In the mass the priest had us pray for those in nursing homes, hospitals and orphanages.  It made me think again of a friend I have in Truro NS who's 4 yr old granddaughter has cancer and is in the IWK hospital this Christmas.  When I think of what this beautiful little girl is going through and her family it makes me cry and yet they are so strong.  Praying for those in orphanages once again made me think of our little girl in China.  I have thought of her lots during the holiday, thinking of how exciting next Christmas will be if she is here with us, and the extra stocking we will hang, taking her picture with Santa and of course all the girl presents to buy :) But at church I thought of how our little girl is probably spending this Christmas in an orphanage not knowing we love her and are waiting for her.  I pray she is loved and taken care of and hope she will be with us by next Christmas. 

Homestudy

We meet our new social worker today and had our updated homestudy.  She was very nice and it went very well and very fast.  We always feel so normal during these meetings, how can they not approve us :)  I have even been cleaning our house for the past week for the big day.  Last time we had the social worker come to our house for the homestudy she went through the whole house.  This time she only made it as far as the kitchen.  I almost wanted to make her go through the house just so it wouldn't be a waste of a good clean.
The timeline might take longer than I was hoping because once she approves us it then goes to the AB govt for approval.  The govt is a little behind so it tends to take 4-6 weeks before the homestudys get approved.  I am hoping with ours being an addendum it might not take as long

Chinese food, Karate Kid and fortune cookies

Every Friday is family night.  We take turns having our weekend and that person gets to pick the dinner and movie on Friday night and also gets to pick what we do at West Edmonton Mall (waterpark, mini golf, bowling, amusement park and of course I pick shopping).  Tonight was my night and it was also a week before the social worker comes for the homestudy.  We still hadn't told the boys we were going to precede with adopting a little girl.  We didn't want to tell them too soon because we didn't want to get their hopes up if it wasn't going to happen (they knew when we started the process and then we had to tell them a couple of years ago that we didn't think it was possible).  We couldn't wait any longer because now that the social worker is coming the boys have to know.
I thought a fun way to tell them would be to go with a Chinese theme and pick Chinese food for the dinner and rent The Karate Kid.  I also made new fortunes to stick in the fortune cookies.  I wanted them to sound like real fortunes so for Hayden it was "make a wish for something you really want"(Hayden has been telling me the last few months how badly he wants a little sister), Tristan's "you will become a great protector", Quintin's "with love a family will grow" and Jason's "Money is not the road of happiness" (because he is more concerned with the cost of the adoption than I am-lol).  I was so excited and couldn't wait for them to read them and wonder and than we could tell them about the adoption.  Well the fortune cookies didn't go the way I planned.  I couldn't get the other fortunes out so the boys ended up focusing on the three fortunes in the cookie and Quintin even told me he would keep two of the fortunes but I could have the crap one (which of course was the one I wrote).  Then we read Hayden's and asked him what he wished for, he wished for a toy story t-shirt!  I figured it was not the time to tell them
Jason saw my disappointed and said I gave them too much credit.  With boys you have to hit them over the head.  The fortune cookies should have said "you are going to have a baby sister"
Before the movie we sat the boys down and told them the exciting news.  They are very happy and especially Hayden.  He is so close to the older two boys and they treat him so well but I think it will be good to have another child around that is closer to his age.
The night was a perfect night-the movie was better than the boys thought it would be, yummy food, and the best part- the boys are so excited about having a sister join our loving family.  And it is always a successful day when I learn something -I can't be subtle with the boys just as I can't with Jason, if I have something to say I have to spell it out or get the point missed
Love Family Night

Decisions, Decisions

It has been a busy month deciding what is best for our family.  We didn't want to start over again with an infant -we didn't want the big age gap and at some point we would like to enjoy retirement with all the children out of the house.  If we keep having a child every 5 yrs it isn't going to happen.  We decided a girl close to Hayden's age but younger would work best.  At first we looked at adopting locally.  If we were going to adopt an older child there might be one close by that needed a family.  After attending an information session and doing some research we realized this would not be the best fit for us.  Approximately 85% have fetal alcohol spectrum and after some research it wasn't something our family would be able to handle. We had an interview booked with the social worker and I felt guilty cancelling but she said the age group we wanted was the age everyone wanted so it wasn't like a child wasn't going to have a home because of us not proceeding.

I then started researching special needs children in China.  This program is the Waiting Child program.  What is considered special needs in China really are not what we consider special needs in Canada.  I have stayed up late at night researching and reading lots of blogs.  I had to figure out which special needs would fit best with our family.  I would think I decided on one and then read more and change my mind or think another wouldn't work, read an article and again change my mind.

I contacted our agency and the wait is much shorter on the Waiting Child program.  Depending on which special needs we would consider and how soon that girl was available we could have a referral as soon as a month (or it could take up to a year).  After we accept a referral, in approximately 3 months we will be travelling to China to meet our girl.  Our agency also gave me contacts of other families in the area that also adopted Waiting Child children.  It was very beneficial to get a hold of these families and hear their stories.  Some of the families also referred me to Dr Baxter who has an International Adoption Clinic in the city.  I was able to get an appointment with her and we discussed the special needs we were considering.

I have gone back to reading adoption blogs every night.  I stopped a few years ago because the wait was getting endless but now I am back enjoying them.  The first blog I read during the initial process was Carolyn Milligan Clow's who lives in the same town as my sister so she told me about it.  I stayed up the first night until 2am reading it.  I loved her blog so much and found it so helpful.  I found out a couple years ago that she adopted again and I had no idea how she got through the process so quickly.  Now that I read her newest blog I realize she adopted through the WC program.

We have been busy getting updated medicals, police checks, etc for our updated homestudy.  We haven't shared our news yet that we are going forward again with the adoption until we get closer.  We will have to tell the boys before the homestudy and our references before they get a phone call. 

A month ago I was having trouble sleeping because of all the decisions I was making which would impact the family.  The more research, the more complicated it seemed to get.  I think it is important to make informed decisions but no matter what choices we make in life there is always the unknown.  I believe after much research in the end we have to take a leap of faith.  I am now back to sleeping great at night and look forward to the future with my husband, three sons and daughter.

Forver Family Day anniversary

A friend on Facebook posted her status that six years ago today she meet her daughter for the first time in rural China.  After reading it I was so happy for her and yet felt so sad.  I always love looking at her Facebook photos of her beautiful girl.  After reading her status I thought I should share my feelings with Jason.  I feel so sad that we will never have a Gotcha Day to celebrate and we will never have a daughter.  Jason is so good with dealing with my feelings and said we were robbed because we would have been great parents to a little girl. He didn't think we could do anything as we don't want to wait any longer and we don't want to have an infant (and another big age gap between our children).  Jason made me feel better and without realizing it he gave me a little bit of hope.  At that moment I realized that if a Facebook status can bring such emotion to myself than maybe I am not ready to give up on the dream of having a daughter.

It has been a long road

I have always known I wanted a girl and early on never thought I wouldn't have a girl.  I am a girlie-girl so what would I do with a boy.  I remember when I was pregnant with my first I was looking at girl clothes and my sister commented to my brother-in-law about our shopping trip.  He wasn't surprised and said "of course she was, what would she do with a boy"-lol.  Well three boys later, I have loved every minute of it and couldn't imagine my life without them but still look at the girl clothes.

A week after my third son was born, I was at the hospital visiting friends and one of the nurses mentioned if I wanted a girl I could always adopt from China.  It wasn't the first time I heard of adopting from China but for some reason this time it really made me think.  I started researching it (and wanting it) but everyone thought it was my hormones so I waited a year before we proceeded, to see if I changed my mind.  A year of waiting did not change my mind but made me want my daughter even more.  We started the homestudy Summer 2006, on our last visit our social worker said the next time she will see it will be with our little girl.  It  was such an amazing thing to hear, to think we would have a little in such a short time.

Our LID was 15 Feb 2007.  When I first started researching adopting in China the timeframe was about a year but after our paperwork was sent I soon discovered the timeframe had become a lot longer.  We still figured it would happen when it was meant to be although I did stop buying clothes because I figured the clothes might be out of style by the time we get her. 

So much time has passed and we have enjoyed our three boys and life.  We have discovered the love of traveling and cruises, have had three vehicles, two trailers, and a new house.  Our youngest child was in diapers and not walking and is now in kindergarten and very busy.  Wanting our girl has always been in the back of my mind but as time went by I started to think there would be too much age gap and I am not getting any younger.  I started to think it wasn't meant to be and I was not meant to have a girl.

This past summer we moved from Ontario to Alberta.  With this move I thought that was the final sign that I was only meant to have three children.  With the move, it would mean more paperwork and even more delay.  We were tired of waiting and had to move on, I just had to contact my agency to close the file