A Merry Christmas It Was

What an amazing Christmas it was to be with my family and finally have my daughter home with us.  Last Christmas at church (as I saw cute little girls in beautiful dresses) I thought of Christmas 2011 and how I would have Jaida.  Some times thoughout the year I began to have doubts so it bought tears to my eyes on Christmas Eve holding my beautul daughter during mass.

Jason surprised me with the most beautiful and perfect gift - white gold necklace with a pendant with our childrens birthstones as well as mine.  I have always wanted one but never felt my family was complete so never asked for one.  I now know my family is complete (which is a great feeling) but wasn`t expecting one so soon.  Usually I have to give lots of hints before I can expect it, and leave out flyers and sometimes buy things myself and give to him to wrap.  My husband is so amazing, I really should tell him more often.  He doesn`t even read my blog so he still won`t know I am saying nice things about him-haha

It was nice to have my parents visit us for the special holiday.  This is the first Christmas we spent completely together.  They have visited us before but didn`t stay at our place so it was nice to have them here Christmas morning and have the fun of Santa coming and filling all of our stockings.  The boys had a great Christmas and got everything they wanted.  Hayden is already thinking of what he wants for next Christmas so I will have to work on him and remind him of the importance of Christmas a little better.  Jaida had fun but didn`t keep up with the boys for unwrapping presents, she was still unwrapping on Boxing Day.  Tristan thought this was a good idea and has plans to keep some of his presents for Boxing Day next year.  If he does I am sure he will keep all the soft ones (clothes) for that day.



I took Jaida to the dr and occupational therapist.  Some of the things she was checking for Jaida wasn`t able to do so I can`t believe what a difference two weeks can make: she is going up the stairs as fast as I can and deciding if she wants to go back down, she is standing all the time and claps (with one hand in a fist) as she is so proud of herself, crawling everywhere, reaching, kneeling, wants me to walk with her, loves her rocking horse and goes so fast it is scary, offering me food all the time, and bothering the dogs lots (poor dogs).

Jaida`s sleeping through the night has gotten much better(I bought her the Fisher Price aquarium and that seems to really soothe and/or mesmerize her, it eats the batteries but extra sleep is priceless so we just keep buying batteries).  I still sleep in her room but on the few occasions I had to sleep in my bed to get up with an alarm she did pretty well,  I just had to go in and turn the aquarium on a few times.  Jaida has very little naps-basically falls asleep in my arms exhausted and sleeps about 20 minutes in her crib ( I think when she wakes up and sees I am not there gets scared, cries) and then she is awake for the rest of the day.  She sometimes goes to bed around 10pm but has gone to bed as early as 8pm and some nights is up until 11pm.  I keep wanting to put her to bed earlier but she is at her best in the evening and I just want to enjoy it and lose track of time.  I was reading an article the other day http://www.adoptmed.org/topics/sleep-and-adoption.html and it discussed adopted children and sleep issues, I knew some of it but I found it interesting how it touched on overstimulated children and how they can have the Disneyland syndrome.  I think this explains Jaida because she is so tired around 6pm and I think there is no way she will make it to 8 or 9pm, then she gets a second or third wind and is happy and still awake at 11pm.  It isn`t really a bad thing since she is happy but I will have to work to keep her life more routine and calm later in the evening.  She does seem to be doing better, yesterday she actually had a 2hr nap and the last two nights she has gone to bed and I can hear her wake up but she doesn`t cry and soothes herself back to sleep.  Tonight was the cutest-I rocked her and put her to bed awake (she gets restless in my arms sometimes and won`t stay still).  She was moving around, couldn`t settle; so I layed in the bed and put my hand in the crib and called her to come up to it-she then crawled to my hand, layed her head on my hand and held it with both hands, then fell asleep.  So wish I could have picture to capture the moment.

As wonderful as my Christmas was it was also filled with sadness.  Somebody I love very much is going through personal heartache.  My heart breaks for her and hopes she never doubts what an amazing person she is (and I would be so lucky to have even some of her great qualities) It just doesn`t seem fair, I can be so happy and have everything and those I love around me don`t have the same.  It also makes me weary for the future-a lot of times I think of how happy I am and that my life can`t be this perfect forever so I do kind of wait for the bad but embrace the happiness while I have it.

The other saddness of this Christmas is my grandmother passed away 23 December.  She was 95 years old and I have been amazed for years how active she was (bowled when she was 90 yrs old, went to church everyday, volunteered, and went out every night to play cards) She was an amazing women who will be missed but I really think her funeral should be a celebration of life if ever there was one.  She lived an amazing life, she was so healthy and on the day she died she had her hair done, walked to the ambulance telling the man walking her down the stairs she wasn`t feeling too bad, and then passed away in the ambulance.  She lived alone in her home but two of her daughters were visiting her at the time.  My Grandmother celebrated Christmas with her family early since everyone was traveling to visit other family so even though it is hard to lose someone special during the holidays she already had her special Christmas. This year Alyson (my cousin) come up with a great idea for all the grandchildren to give a gift together to donate books and music to a school to honour her legacy of a great teacher and a great grandmother.  Wendy (another cousin) presented it to her and videotaped it for us that live far away to enjoy.  Again amazed how things happen for a reason and so thankful to Alyson and Wendy for what they did to give us a wonderful lasting memory and a special moment for Grammy.

Merry Christmas Grammy Bailey

I wish Jaida could have met her great-grandmother like her brothers did and my grandmother could have met her.  My Grammy did see pictures of her, read my blog, sent a wish for her quilt and send a special porcelain doll (which I will keep up high so the doll isn't bald in 2 weeks) for her at Christmas so even though they did not meet they will have a connection.  My Grandmother had 12 great-grandsons until this year she became a great-grammy to two beautiful girls.

First time Jaida touches snow!  Had pictures taken for Christmas card

I haven`t been home a month yet and it feels like Jaida has been with us forever.  She is doing great and seems to be doing more everyday.  We had our one month visit with our social worker and I took her to see the international adoption doctor last week.  I was surprised she only weighed half a lb more than our last update in Oct but then remembered she was probably weighed with her clothes on in China (and I am sure there was lots of clothes:) She is getting bigger with all she is eating and the pjs she was wearing tonight a lot tighter on her than when she wore them in China. I am happy she is growing and getting stronger everyday but I also love her being little-plus I bought so many cute clothes I really don`t want her to grow out of soon

As Jaida was being evaluated for her motor skills the lady gave me suggestions on how to encourage her to crawl up the stairs.  Why would I encourage such things and make it hard, I am completely happy to have her remain on one level.  As it turns out no encouragement was required because she is now crawling upstairs and today she has been standing lots.  Everyday she is doing more and seems happier.  Jaida`s best part of the day is in the evening so it is hard to put her to bed when she has so much energy and lot of fun.  Tonight she went to bed at 11:30.  I am suppose to try and get it earlier so she doesn`t sleep away the whole morning but it keeps getting later.

My parents are visiting for Christmas and  they are loving her.  I told them the rules before they came: no holding, feeding or kissing her (no changing diapers also but that rule is easy to follow).  They accept my rules, as per the books I read for bonding, but I know it is hard.  I feel bad but feel it is important to get the best attachment with Jaida and need to have these rules followed.  Jaida is doing well with wanting me.  I sleep in her room and during naptime if she wakes up is very upset until I go back in the room.  She wants me to carry her all the time so it is really hard to get any work done and she is my daily workout.  She plays really well but if I try and leave the room she notices and either follows or cries.  As much as I love that she wants me I also know she will also be happy with others.  We went to Hayden`s school concert and one of the moms is chinese-she was talking to Jaida in manderin and you could see the comfort Jaida had to hear familiar words.  Jaida kept staring at her, again I think because of the familiar comfort, then the Mom put her hands out to hold her and Jaida reached for her.  I was very quick to pull her away and say noone is allowed to hold her.  The poor Mom left pretty soon after that and I am sure thinks I am a little off as well as many other probably do as well.  I had no rules like this with my three boys but no work was really needed for them to know who I am-their Mom.  Jaida has been in an orphanage for her first year of life and doesn`t know what a Mom does-she had several people come in and out, holding and feeding her.  I need to teach her the importance of her immediate family and the special love we have for her.  We need to teach her to need and love us and that she can count on us the most.



Before Hayden`s concert

Poor Jaida can`t get use to all of my kisses.  She hasn`t seem to like kisses since we first held her but we aren`t giving up.  She gets them nonstop so she might as well get use to it.  She is coming around a little and sometimes reaches up with an open mouth so I am taking that as a kiss.  My boys are happy because I tend to leave them alone a little more and they are happy to pass the kissing thing off to their sister.



Really how can you not kiss this cutie all day long



Home Sweet Home

It was so exciting to get off the airplane and know my boys were waiting to meet their sister for the first time.  I love this picture of our family finally together (it does look like the long flight took its toll on me but still love the photo :)

 

Jaida wasn`t so sure getting off the airplane and seeing her brothers.  Tristan thought she looked angry but I told him he should get use to the look as she has it quite often until she gets use to everything.  She hated being in her carseat for the first time so I wished we lived a little closer to the airport.  Once we got home I was amazed how comfortable she was with her brothers.  Jason went to get dinner and I actually was able to have a shower, leaving Jaida with her brothers.

Jaida seems to be adjusting very well and life through the day is easy.  She is very active, loves her brothers and is eating lots.

I look forward to taking her to the Dr to see how much she weighs because she must be gaining weight with how much she is eating.  She has a twinkle in her eye that I was looking forward to seeing that didn`t show too much while we were in China.  When she sees me now she will give me smile without me even having to work for it.

Nights on the other hand have been a challenge.  But I guess it all can`t be easy.  Jaida slept really well while we were in China and I was expecting it not to be as smooth but really didn`t think I would be up 3-4hr every night (and last night she woke when I put her to bed at 12pm and didn`t sleep in her crib again until 5am!)  I am trying to enjoy every moment and do pretty well the first hour or two but then start getting a little grumpy-I really should learn some new lullabies because I think I sing Hush Little Baby about 50 times (she must be sick of it because I am) and have her snoring in my arms at least 4 times to have her wake as soon as I gently place her in her crib.  I try and have her stay awake most of the day but it still doesn`t help.  By Day 2 I bought a bed for me to sleep in her room in hopes for it to help.  Oh well, eventually she will sleep through the night and until then I have had lots of time to think (so far I have planned our next two vacations, poses for photos, Baptism event, and what university she and Hayden should attend-haha okay not yet but it is only week one of being up all night).

I have been meaning to get to my blog as well as many other important things that needed to be done this week-unemployment insurance, Canadian citizenship certificate, Alberta health insurance.  Things that needed to get done but through the day I have been either sleeping or too tired and at night would continue to think about how I have to get it done.  I feel a little better that it is all done as of now although I did think it would all be done by Monday afternoon.  I am going to have to get use to the fact things are going to take longer now that I have a little one again, as well as my clothes will never be free of dried chunks of baby cookie and my diaper bag has replaced my fashionable purses.  The most amazing thing I am still trying to get use to is that I have a beautiful daughter (it is weird-even as I hold her is still doesn`t seem real)

We had such an amazing trip and it is a journey we will always remember and share the memories with Jaida as she gets older.  I am so thankful my Mother-in-law, Audrey, was able to come up and take such great care of the boys.  They had so much fun with her and she was always up for anything so they kept her busy with Wii, games, cards, stories, movies, and of course cooking.  It made our trip that much more enjoyable to know the boys were taking care and having fun.  I am also thankful for Amy Fraser-MacDougall for posting all of my blogs.  There were firewalls in China that I did not know how to avoid so I was unable to  access my blog or Facebook and was really wanting to post everyday (good thing because I never would have had time now that I am home).  I know Amy through the internet as we belong to the same great agency and she is waiting for a referral for her daughter.  My heart goes to her and others waiting waiting for their daughters and sons as it is so hard and sometimes it feels like it will never happen. When it does finally happen the rollercoaster of emotions is so worth it and I wouldn`t change a thing as the wait led us to our daughter.