It has been a busy month deciding what is best for our family. We didn't want to start over again with an infant -we didn't want the big age gap and at some point we would like to enjoy retirement with all the children out of the house. If we keep having a child every 5 yrs it isn't going to happen. We decided a girl close to Hayden's age but younger would work best. At first we looked at adopting locally. If we were going to adopt an older child there might be one close by that needed a family. After attending an information session and doing some research we realized this would not be the best fit for us. Approximately 85% have fetal alcohol spectrum and after some research it wasn't something our family would be able to handle. We had an interview booked with the social worker and I felt guilty cancelling but she said the age group we wanted was the age everyone wanted so it wasn't like a child wasn't going to have a home because of us not proceeding.
I then started researching special needs children in China. This program is the Waiting Child program. What is considered special needs in China really are not what we consider special needs in Canada. I have stayed up late at night researching and reading lots of blogs. I had to figure out which special needs would fit best with our family. I would think I decided on one and then read more and change my mind or think another wouldn't work, read an article and again change my mind.
I contacted our agency and the wait is much shorter on the Waiting Child program. Depending on which special needs we would consider and how soon that girl was available we could have a referral as soon as a month (or it could take up to a year). After we accept a referral, in approximately 3 months we will be travelling to China to meet our girl. Our agency also gave me contacts of other families in the area that also adopted Waiting Child children. It was very beneficial to get a hold of these families and hear their stories. Some of the families also referred me to Dr Baxter who has an International Adoption Clinic in the city. I was able to get an appointment with her and we discussed the special needs we were considering.
I have gone back to reading adoption blogs every night. I stopped a few years ago because the wait was getting endless but now I am back enjoying them. The first blog I read during the initial process was Carolyn Milligan Clow's who lives in the same town as my sister so she told me about it. I stayed up the first night until 2am reading it. I loved her blog so much and found it so helpful. I found out a couple years ago that she adopted again and I had no idea how she got through the process so quickly. Now that I read her newest blog I realize she adopted through the WC program.
We have been busy getting updated medicals, police checks, etc for our updated homestudy. We haven't shared our news yet that we are going forward again with the adoption until we get closer. We will have to tell the boys before the homestudy and our references before they get a phone call.
A month ago I was having trouble sleeping because of all the decisions I was making which would impact the family. The more research, the more complicated it seemed to get. I think it is important to make informed decisions but no matter what choices we make in life there is always the unknown. I believe after much research in the end we have to take a leap of faith. I am now back to sleeping great at night and look forward to the future with my husband, three sons and daughter.
